| Saturday, December 20, 2008


I'm having mixed feelings.

It is certainly good that I've start to know more about dressing up and going out often. But I wonder is this change good or something that is too fast?

Mummiee just bought me a $140 Lacoste shoe when I think it is really nice. As a christmas gift. I wonder am I doing the right thing. That shoe costs more expensive than anything I've ever worn on my body as of yet. I'm really happy but also guilty as she had to spend so much.

It is not like my family is well-off or what.
We SHOULD be saving or cutting cost during this period of time yet instead I'm one of the reasons they are spending alot.
Even this coming xmas dinner is gonna cost a bomb to everyone. I wanted to try good stuff once in a while and I want to try it with my love ones. But in the past, we have never even dream of such expensive meals. We would have homemade feast at home during xmas.

I wonder exposing myself to such luxury and having my family to follow me as a result, a good thing? I want to enjoy with them but yet if that is not what they want to, I'm feel guilty.

Like today, I wanted to bring them to try out Sizzler at Suntec city but it costed about $30 bucks each person. Daddee didn't want to embarrass me so he told me he wants to look around. Ended up we passed by the food court and he and mummiee became excited over the huge variety of food. I was gloomy for the meal and I think they sensed it. So mummiee came over to explain that $30 for a meal is not really what they had in mind.
But I'm gloomy not because I could not eat Sizzler but more of guilty and disappointed at myself for not knowing what my family wants. I thought bringing them out to eat nice food will be good. But it seems I've forgotten that they have other restrictions as well.

I just feel so bad when I think of how they spend their youth and time all into the family. It is such a huge sacrifice. Daddee never hangs out with his frens. Mummiee never went town often because she needs to take care of us when we were young. It must have great love going on to make people spend their age 20-40 and placing the majority of their time into the family.

So much so that I've never said mummiee looks like auntie at times because I know she did not bother to take care in her younger age due to taking care of us.

And now I've forgotten about how even the simplest meals can bring joy to them. We spent about $20 total in bill ordering lots of food at the food court and I can see they really liked it.

I guess the most important lesson I've learnt today is that what matters is not how you think might be good for others but what they really want.

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Created at 11:32 PM
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