I Want That Star

| Monday, October 29, 2007

ah monday blues.

i've never believed in monday blues until one and a half month ago.

in fact monday blues was so contagious to me that i always feel it during sunday morning. i get this feeling like "ah.. i can't enjoy sleeping anymore because if i sleep tonight, tml will be monday"

sometimes i do keep thinking time flies real fast when im enjoying it at home.
and time crawls during certain places where im at.

but the only thing i can comfort myself during those time and places is by telling myself that it is actually the SAME time that is moving for both enjoyable and bad times.

how i miss the days of my secondary and poly life.
they will never come back tats all i noe.

life as a student. how precious is it until u have outgrown it.

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Created at 9:34 PM
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| Sunday, October 28, 2007

well, these are the selected pictures from the wedding!
do enjoy

i still wondering how the heels go unbroken XD

mother and daughter.

talking to dad about BMT stuff lol!

the Lee family

bride and bridesmaid

digital cam and digital camcorder

veiling of the bride

brother-in-law and buddies

tea ceremony

family photo

walking down the aisle

Cheryl

My sister

my cousins and not all were there yet

my sis and one of her fren.

my dad is a happy man that day

mummiee and daddee

male and female side

cutting the cake

shouting and shouting

of cos choirboi87 also got shout

my dad is drunk

starts to do extreme stuff

even unzipping his pants becos the audience shouted for entertainment

auntie lily covering up her daughter's face

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Created at 1:38 PM
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| Wednesday, October 24, 2007

long time no blog.

heh

have been lazy yes so lazy. and bz and tired also.
i really wonder how many still got read my blog.. especially since im like so "far" from u ppl.

right now, im attending this MSET (maintainance skills enhancement training) thingie for drivers. yea.. learning how to troubleshoot simple and almost everything the vehicle can give. tml will be the test for Landrovers though.

85% of the trainees there are malays. and.. not to be a racist or wat, some of the malays are really making alot of unnecessary things/noises. if ever got 1 commander come and decide to shoot at them, the whole course ppl will kena and we can say byebye to weekend.

and i've just found out that me and my group of OOTs (from tekong same company) are the only Diploma ppl.. all are from ITE. yes i admit sometime i do feel abit out of place or a little superior but thats quite conceited too i noe.

in my group of 7, im the one and only one that will ask at least 1 question for everything that the instructor teaches. i dunnoe if im slow or i cannot catch or im not used to mechanics. often i feel like "hey im a Dip. but how come im like lagging behind??"
then when the instructor tests us, then i found out.. some of the dudes there are like heckcare attitude thats why they didnt show.

i tink i have never been so interested in learning things before. bah! not meaning i like mechanics or wat. but maybe i do tend to "dare" to ask question in a smaller group or personally.

or probably i've start to value the meaning of studying..
which may be too late? or no

today our instructor suddenly turn to a storeman for the whole morning and afternoon.

i didnt really feel good at that time. i was worried that im lagging WAY BIG TIME behind. i dun care about wat the others in my group is doing. but hey! other groups are learning things like aeroplane while our group is stuck there for a whole day in a total 9 day course.

i definitely dun wan to go back sembawang camp on saturday mornings.

moreover, i dun wanna fail. not becos of grade or anything like stay back.
but its this strange thing that i wan to perfect this course. it appears simple to me and i wan to perfect it trying the hardest i could. yet the old dude instructor was bz doing other things. slacking there for like 6hours wasting my life away.

then i decide to join the neighbour group for a moment.
the instructor is like "why are u here? u wan to join us?"
then i just nod
"ok good come and listen and see"
then suddenly my other 2 chinese fren from our group came to join me. and soon the whole group with the exception of 2 other guys came.

ah yes. i've gotten my sis wedding pics already. cool eh!
its like one point something MB each pic.. i will probably need to do adjustments to the pic before i post them up here.
i've got pics of Cheryl too!
wahahaha...

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Created at 8:22 PM
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| Monday, October 15, 2007

Theres really no place like home.

Where I can find my parents and my beloved room.

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Created at 5:55 PM
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ah.... why..?

i was having lunch with mummiee at jurong west market. having the same dread every week on the day of book in. already feeling like crap.

until i saw her.
ya her. buying chwee kueh.

haiz sian. why must see her today at the market which have almost 0% chance of meeting her there.
wats more with her boyfriend :/

heartache
heartpain

probably i take it too seriously on my part.
theres actually totally no hope but still well.. u noe its like banging head on the wall.

half of me wanted to talk to her saying "hey how are u?"
half of me wan to just go away and forget about it.

afterall im just a chao conscript.

after typing, i just found im really useless and weak. admiring ppl and not going for it or letting ppl noe. i dunnoe whether is it shy or gutless.

probably that will have to change once im out of NS.

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Created at 3:14 PM
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| Friday, October 12, 2007

well, 1st week of Sungei Gedong isnt as bad as i tot. FOR NOW.
yes that is FOR NOW.

besides, i've not yet gone for my driving course. so all im doing is the same usual stuff such as sweeping, washing vehicles, clerk work, checking 5 Tonner's equipments, folding camou-nets etc.

ah, some of the ppl there are really kind. teaching me things and procedures as to how they work. overall im quite satisfied there. FOR NOW.

heard that the drivers there are really busy. sometimes having details (trips are called details) for a few days straight. or details eating up ure weekends. so sad.

no weekends = no go home = no bolster
no weekends = no parents = miss them
no weekends = no church = ;/
no weekends = 2 weeks = confinement week
no weekends = stay in = same as extra duty
no weekends = have to wash my no.4 uniform = hard to dry = naked..

yst night went out with raymond, suling and jason for supper. i felt abit bad becos they had to come to jurong to fetch me.

nonetheless, i enjoyed myself alot since its the 1st time i went out for supper with frens fetching me.

i guess its only after i become a driver then i can start settling myself down.

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Created at 11:35 PM
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| Monday, October 08, 2007

a short quick post.

have been posted to Sungei Gedong Armour camp.

the worst of the whole west area nodes.

all i could think of is about how depressing the atmosphere is over there. as well as the Choa Chu Kang cemeteries nearby.

a 30minutes bus journey there from CCK. so far from civilization.

all my parents could comfort me is that it is a place for me to learn the skill of how to survive in the working environment next time. as a Man. the tougher the place, the more mature u will get..

oh yeah.. i dunnoe how comforting are those words but at that moment i felt abit better. probably i should record them down and listen to it every night in camp. yeah a stay-in camp with extra duties during the weekends for the drivers.

i dunnoe. i felt very sian.

please do pray for me. for the courage and strength to survive these 2 years. i will be looking forward to ORD. i AM already looking forward to it. 12th september 2009.

how i wish i can hug my parents and tell them i love them alot for the support they have given me. always when i talk to them about troubles in NS i feel tears coming out.

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Created at 9:14 PM
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| Sunday, October 07, 2007

Magic Revolution - Money Maker

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Created at 9:59 PM
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ever since i went into the NS life, i find myself having the same dread every sunday. then same dread when i 1st enlist.

last sunday was really touching for me as in the morning during church. for some reason i felt very touched during mass service and for many times i felt tears boiling up but managed to kept them in place. i felt so much like going back home and i really felt very peaceful there. felt much more shiok than booking out 100 times.

really. i tink my faith in the religion have grown alot. especially when u keep reminding that no matter where u go, be it Tekong far from ure parents' wings or some shitty camps, or alone at home, God is always there to listen to u and will not abandon u.

in the past, i could be alone for a week and nothing goes wrong.
but now, if i dun talk to anyone familiar i will feel extremely lonely. i do hope im not falling to depression. i kept having these feelings becos the situation for me now is still very unstable, not yet posted to any "confirmed" camp.

i find myself clinging to any scent of familiarity i can find. be it fellow OOTs in the new camp or keep sms-ing.

i also find myself extremely quiet at times(as the new Private told me as well as some Sergeants). the only reason i can give myself is that either i dun feel like talking, too tired to talk, trying to adapt to the environment as fast as i could (though i noe i take some time), observing everything.

example will be the 1st book out after 2 weeks of confinement. sergeant was asking me how come im so quiet in the bus. the reason i came out with is becos im already thinking of book in day..

but in true fact, i was worrying over my future. say for those still in training, at least they noe they will have schedules for the 3 months while im dangling like some thrown little kittens.

the only comforting thing i can remind myself is that of from suling, "wat cant kill u will only make u stronger." i believe this is the 1st time i feel so depressed and will probably learn how to deal with it in the future. As a better man.

anyway, i felt much better after chatting in msn with Jason currently and blogging my feelings out. im really sorry if my blog is always about these kind of things. things will probably get better after i've adapted to the unit and have more frens in there.

as quoted from Jason "every move is a form of discipline, that's what i know.... you dun always get the things you want in life, just have to look at the things you have, and turn them to something better"

i believe this is really good advice though i tink its hard for me currently with all the bad negative thoughts.

had really fun time yst with the usual gang. dinner at Changing Appetites.
the food is so-so but the service is really bad.

my fren ordered soup of the day but the soup doesnt come until we requested for it and he had already finished half of his main course. when the soup come, the spoon does not. when my main course come, my fork does not

when the food arrive, the waitress herself also dunnoe which plate is wat food. we ordered things like cheese chicken, bacon chicken and when they serve us, we ourselves do not noe which is which since its our 1st time. how can they expect us to recognise the food?

so after awhile we started talking about ghost encounters in Tekong.
for the weak hearts, u can avoid reading on.

this happens in my bunk. Viper platoon 3 section 3 bunk.
bed 13 is empty.

the encounters -
- my buddy on the 2nd night felt someone kicking his bed from my side. obviously its not me as im not that energetic during the night.

- i hear shuffling of sandals during the night. could be some human walking in the middle of 2am i dunnoe.

- me and my buddy saw a dark figure leaning on the table while sitting on the chair at 4am around there. we tot is the muslim going for breakfast but after confirming with him its not him. i kept quiet about it until my buddy decided to talk about it and i found myself in the same shoes.

- kiat boon found 2 strands of long hair. long hair. which recruit got long hair? not even the officers and sergeants

- there was 1 night i woke up due to some really heavy stitch on my abdomen like someone pushing a fist on my abs. its worse than those stitch after sit-ups. then i try to turn side ways and after some hard effort, turned sideways and the feeling just disappear straight away.

- after i posted out on thursday, heard from WeiLiang that James alarm clock during the night goes off every hour. 1am , 2, 3, 4, 5 and so on.

of cos there were more in other areas and other companies and other units. damn. things like candy wrapper ghost also got.

heard from a private that in sungei gedong camp sometimes during this stretch of road, those prowling guards will encounter this dead body wrapped up like a muslim burial. and it will move towards u and bow before u. u are prolly forced to unwrap it and see and smell everything inside. if u ran away from it, u should noe wat will happen.

heard also for the company that faces the SOC area sees things on it. got 1 fella saw a girl combing her hair on top of this pyramid ladder. so he find it strange and while pointing it, turn his head to call to his bunkmates to come look. after he turn his head back out of the window, he saw the whole thing infront of his face. yeah he pee-ed on the spot and his bunkmates never got to see anyTHING at all.

also cases of lights going off in diagonal bunks and flickers together including the armskote room also happen.

the few worse is from the ammo dump area where the guards sometimes have to prowl. is indeed haunted. one of the cctv is black but during the night when the guard on it, will see a figure floating towards the CCTV and knock against the CCTV and after that, the CCTV goes black white u noe those PSSSSSTT sound? then the guard just faster off the CCTV.

of cos theres more in the jungle. missing ppl and extra faces in photos.

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Created at 8:56 AM
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| Thursday, October 04, 2007

mixed feelings right now.

2nd week of tekong just ended today for me and also for the period of time... i probably wont be able to step in tekong for like until my intake for BMT.

though the place really gives us the rubbish feeling but when im leaving that place, i find the place really memorable. lots of things in my head.

especially my section mates.

im posted out from BMT to join an unit directly at Jurong Camp for now. as a driver. yes driver. many have say good, slack, bad, DB-prone, sian. but in my opinion, i still feel that i didnt want to be a driver becos i came to NS with a reason - to get fit and do things in these 2 years which i will not be able to do again for the rest of my life.

i used to enter NS with this feeling - bah just finish 2 years and get out of here.

but when i started doing training with everyone, i start to feel enjoyment in doing physical training and especially using rifles and drills and all. pretty fun for me.

i guess i have to go along with watever crap they give me now.

parting with my sectionmates is really very painful and sad for me that i almost cried. though its a short period of time, but we really support each other like its everyone's business.

i especially thank Nicodemus, WeiLiang, Darren, Kiat Boon, YuGuang, James, Samuel, Paul, KaiXiang (my buddy), Ryzul, Edison (11 ppl in my secion excluding me) for supporting me all the way though its only 3 weeks.

thanks alot guys!
i will miss u all tons!

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Created at 9:17 PM
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