| Tuesday, February 06, 2007


i feel quite overwhelmed by jealousy just a few minutes ago.
i dunnoe why but i just felt "why?"

while i was playing rose, mummiee came and tell me something.
"wan to go jurong point for dinner?"
"ok lor.. go with daddee ah? or we alone eat?"
"go drink soup with auntie julie. come along"
"daddee leh?"
"he working."

then i feel like... something crashed in me. probably some rebooting inside my mind.

just like 30minutes ago, i was asking her wat to do for dinner?
then i gave the suggestion how about waiting for daddee to finish work and then he can fetch us go somewhere to eat. so i was kinda looking forward to getting out of the house.

then she just told me that
i can certainly feel like she didnt ask daddee at all.
and why auntie julie?
uncle thomas have gone back home but is still in a very bad case. due to auntie julie refusing to accept the fact that her husband can never recover anymore. ever since then, mummiee have been giving her so much attention that i feel.. hey.. no one gives as much time to her as u.

so for her every off days, she will go help her out. today is an example. she went out at 8+ and surprisingly came back at 2pm. i tot it was the end but no, now she going to accompany her again. and asks me along.

its not like i hate auntie julie or wat.

but she felt kinda like a stranger to me liao and 2 middle age woman normally dun care about watever trail-along that follows. often i will be casted aside eating by myself.

im not dying to eat at some restaurant!

i try not to be sour and think of bad things about auntie julie (thats wat scorpios are good at)
and i noe mummiee have the right to do the things she like, being that she spent half her life taking care of the family liao.

but still...
i can't help feeling jealous.

so jealous that i rejected her offer downright.
"dun wan. i dun wan to go. why must eat with her?"
she kept standing at the door explaining all the goodies they will be eating and trying.
all the more it kept me from going. i just stared at the monitor screen and continue my chant of "u all go can liao. i dun wan to go"
she stand there quiet for awhile before going back to her room to get ready.

i still have not calmed down yet to feel guilty for my actions which i noe i will.

i didnt even say byebye to her.

i really wonder does she noe wat am i thinking? or is she thinking im just some lazing bum that wont wan to go out.

i wish i can be like some kid making a big fuss and throwing something on the floor breaking something. i've never done that in my life to get her attention before. becos when im young, i've never learn to appreciate her as much as now when im grown up.

if a kid does all those little things or huge things to get ure attention, it means in their little heart they cannot stand something and dunnoe how to say out. just by doing it thru their actions.
of cos their grow hearts and maturity grow into something that contains everything, be it sadness, anger, happiness and watnot.
have u seen adults being happy and hugging and laughing or rolling on the floor and smiling the best they can like an innocent child?

nowadays, an adult can just force a smile to a little kid and the little kid will take it all in while the adult kept everything inside their heart.

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Created at 5:28 PM
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Name: Moses a.k.a momo

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