I Want That Star

| Thursday, June 01, 2006

was really bored today.
besides sleeping and sleeping the whole afternoon.
but lunch was really fun with peggie and norman. we trashed alot of things out and had fun talking bad about everyone, of cos i ate alot too.. *fat*
glad to see norman relieving also. he seem rather stressed out with all the sudden rush of pace of work. looks like i made the right choice in asking him to show hubertus our latest work. cos when hubertus praised us, i can see him feeling a sense of satisfaction instead of carrying all the trouble.

*sigh. so much unlike someone* i really dun get it at times. why dun that person just open up their mind? i've been struggling to cheer up everyone yet been poured with cold water most of the time. personal self-sacrifice will make everyone happy.
k. this part on, will be some rants. prepare.
even i dun mind going to foodcourt 1 from the other side of poly. so that peggie can be happy with her food. u're giving me this thinking that ure mentality is about "im doing all the work and u can all just go have fun. dun bother me."
and everytime i hear "nvm i can go find baofeng they all" gave me the ruffle on my hair. its like "ohhhh they are so hardworking unlike u all"
i just would like everyone to do/eat/get watever they wan as long as they do their work. a person like me, who sometimes spend less than 5bucks a week during holidays, will be willing to go out and eat and go shopping or just to eat waffle? i just wan to enjoy my time with u ppl before leaving our education and join the workforce.

wat the heck everyone so stressed up and close their minds up about it? (i can bet we will fall apart like jj and gang if we close ourselves up like daniel or charles) everyone is stressed.

eating the same food all the time will only make things worse. go out take a fresh air. enjoy. have some fun talking after work.
in the end, im not ranting about how didnt u go with us or pangseh us. but about how u think.
think u that a cheerleader is simple task?
i can feel perhaps u feel unfair or fiery about it.
but this is yet my simple feelings about it. (another morning maple 8am of momo time)
not chiding anyone, but its about opening up ureself to suit others than others opening themselves to suit u.
"nvm lor, u wan u all go eat outside. i stay here" wont make us feel any better than u do. we aren't simple ppl who only cares about our own food. we are concerned about u as well if not we wont bothered our time to ask u where u wanna eat. i wont be as bothered about u as KL. simply brushing us off like that, makes even norman pissed if u notice at all. he was pissed and just said "lets go then"

"then wat u wan me to do??!?" could be wat ure thinking now.
think about wat u can do as a groupmember. thats the best way of me telling u wat to do. we are not individuals.
often i talk too much. tat is my bad point. by keeping my mouth shut about how other ppl does things, im already doing my part in helping out in the group.
a group is not all about work or doing it in time or passing up the work. its about how everyone contributes in being together.

a smile (most important), an ok, abit of walking, abit of bad to self, pat on the back, word of encouragement, consent to join in the fun like games, shake hands, go out, are all little things everyone can do. if u notice, i was really glad and happy when u say my simple animation was good. it felt really good and i couldnt help smiling.

i can see daniel hates going out in big groups. but he oftens join us in outings like sakae sushi or lunch at westmall BK or carl's jr. he does his work, had more un-answerable stresses yet he always yearns to eat outside food. why? he is even much worse and isolated. but a smile or joke or even care and concern gets us together as a group. probably this is wat is lacking in his group now. i dun think charles will ever smile at him. even if he jokes, he wont joke with daniel. no one shows care for him hence he is always heckcare about attendance. its his simple way of saying, "u also dun care about me, why should i care?" he needs care as well. i would have heckcared as well if im not the talkative one.

now there is 3 types of ppl i found out after thinking about it.
one is the giver
one is the receiver (daniel)
one is the closed

or perhaps i should revamp my way of leading the group.
lets try to turn to more serious stuff then. perhaps we are more efficient that way. its not my way of purposely doing it to spite u like wat KL always do.
but i dun mind trying it. but i can imagine everyone doing their own stuff, going off to different routes after work. not bothering to look at each other.
all we unite is not ourselves but just our work. isnt tat wat jj's group is doing?
i pity them. cos i dun enjoy to be in their group. dun enjoy and i wont. i will dread going to school.

i dun have much time left.

and i dun wan to waste the little time i have left,
on just looking at each other and work.

finally, if u ever read this last portion,
i would to say sorry
if i ever hurt anyone in this particular post.

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Created at 8:22 PM
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